That Time I Said Sorry, When I Should Have Said F*ck Off

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I don’t quite know why girls always seem to apologize, when they are the ones who get hurt.

We’re left vulnerable, we’re left looking for answers and somehow we’re left being the ones felt to be made wrong.

Then people wonder why we are so dam guarded, and don’t trust anyone. We open up and are made to feel guilty about it. We’re made to feel bad, for caring and admitting it. 

I should have said Fuck off, but instead I said sorry. 

I’m sorry for being brave enough to fall for you…maybe it was too fast. Because you were guarded and I entered your life, open hearted willing to take a chance. I knew I could lose, but I thought maybe this time would be different.   

But you had no intention of catching me....So why was I the one who was sorry. Because one second you were falling with me (I thought), then suddenly everything changed, not before I fell flat on my face first. I didn’t ask if you were ready to catch me, maybe that’s on me.

I’m sorry for seeing the potential of something...I saw you and I saw what could be. Maybe I fell too fast, and thought too much, but I thought there was something there. 

When you saw it as an opportunity...But you saw me for what I was, not who I was. I never once looked at you, as someone to fulfill needs. I wanted to know who you were. I don’t know what was so wrong about that.  

I’m sorry for my brutal honesty…somewhere along the way of growing up, everyone becomes liars. We lie to ourselves. We lie to each other. But that’s not who I am.  

As you fumbled through bluffs, you couldn't decipher...because there was something you weren’t telling me. You left me thinking things were fine, but they weren’t clearly. 

I’m sorry for making it so easy…I didn’t see any reason not to make it easy. You didn’t have to work for my love. Because I don’t think love is something you need to earn, just reciprocate it. 

When all you’ve known are girl who play games...We’ve all been hurt, but I had no intention of hurting you. You just weren't used to it, so you stayed guarded.   

I’m sorry for letting you into my heart…because I did fearlessly. I forgot butterflies were actually a real thing, when someone you like comes around. 

When you weren’t ready to let me into your life...because you left me confused saying it was you and you couldn’t explain things. 

But most of all I’m sorry it didn’t work out...there’s always that chance it’ll be a swing and miss, I just hoped differently this time. 

Because I think we both missed out on something great...I don’t know where we went wrong, because I thought we were on to something good. But maybe you were just another stop along the way, to someone better.

I'm sorry I couldn't change you...I couldn't make you less guarded. I couldn't make you trust me, before you pushed me away. Because you said hello, when all you were meant was goodbye. 

But I won't let you change me...Even if you hurt me, I'll still be the way I am.  

I'm sorry for waiting like a fool, for a text...cause I'll admit I waited by my phone, for a few days, shedding tears. 

But when you finally get around to it, I won't answer...because I never needed to think twice about you, I was always sure about the way I felt. But I'm not sorry about that. I'm just sorry for you, more than anything.

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